KGB Yard Sale

Bobcat Goldthwait has a new movie

2012-02-09T11:31:00.001-08:00

Watch the trailer here.

2012-02-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

In the middle of life, death comes

to take your measurements. The visit

is forgotten and life goes on. But the suit

is being sewn on the sly.

--Tomas Transtromer

2012-02-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

Ziggy, Iggy, and Lou

2012-02-09T08:11:00.000-08:00

Going to see them tonight at the TROC.

2012-02-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

"Get away from her, you bitch!"

2012-02-07T16:02:00.001-08:00

2012-02-06T14:28:00.001-08:00

Top Five Regrets

Ti West Interview

2012-02-06T12:39:00.000-08:00

The AV Club just interviewed Ti West, director of The House of the Devil, about his new film The Innkeepers. I saw The Innkeepers at a Philly film festival a couple months ago, and I loved it. West is well known for the slow burn of his films, and The Innkeepers exercises an taut restraint you won't find in many modern horror movies.

The Innkeepers is about a haunted hotel, and it was shot at the hotel West and his Crew stayed at while filming The House of the Devil. From the AV Club interview:

When we made House Of The Devil, we lived in this hotel [The Yankee Pedlar in Torrington, Connecticut]. And we made this satanic movie out in the middle of nowhere, but weird stuff would happen at the hotel. The whole town was obsessed with it being haunted; the people that worked there were obsessed with it being haunted. Cast and crew started believing it was haunted. So I wrote a movie about the experiences we had making that movie. That’s really where the inspiration came from.

At the end of the viewing I attended there was a brief Q&A. A couple people asked smart, technical film questions about lenses and stuff. I was a little confused by the film's ambiguous ending, so I looked like a big dummy by essentially asking, "Did the movie end the way I thought it ended?!" And they said, "Sorry, we refuse to answer that question." Then someone asked another question about lenses, and I accidentally swallowed my chewing gum.

The Innkeepers is showing right now at the Ritz at the Bourse, so if you live in Philly you should check it out. It's creepy. And funny.

the art of Ed Emberly

2012-02-06T09:15:00.001-08:00

When I was a kid I used to go nuts over Ed Emberly's many mammoth drawing books. The pages are packed with little characters, and he shows you how to draw them using simple lines and shapes. You can't get the full effect from these images, you really have to see the books as a whole, so I highly recommend picking up a few, especially if you have a kid you want to introduce to drawing. I wonder if Tom Gauld was influenced by Emberly? Their figures are similar.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes

2012-02-05T21:00:00.001-08:00

See the show this Wednesday, February 8th, at 8pm. Upstairs at Fergie's Pub, 1214 Sansom St. Philadelphia.

We'll have standup comedy, Pander Bears, drum solos, full-body massage, and an Omniana battle between Chip Chantry and Mayo, the only sentient condiment in Philadelphia.

Less info at ministryofsecretjokes.com

2012-02-04T15:13:00.001-08:00

2012-02-04T14:01:00.000-08:00

"I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite."

Million Dollar Sitcom Ideas

2012-02-02T21:04:00.001-08:00

Heaven Helpus!

logline:

This guy has a really unusual name: Heaven Helpus. He's a cab driver, but on his taxi license he put a fake name because he doesn't want passengers to make dumb jokes about his name all day. Also, he hates talking to people.

(Note: great sitcom to follow God Awful on ABC's Monday night Religious Puns hour.)

Million Dollar Sitcom Ideas

2012-02-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

God Awful

logline:

It's like Bad Teacher, but with God instead of a teacher. So, he's like bad. But he's not Satan. He's like God but he curses. Judas is his goofy neighbor, and his misguided attempts to help out always cause all sorts of trouble.

Million Dollar Sitcom Ideas

2012-02-02T20:47:00.000-08:00

Small Consolation

logline:

A professional leg model loses her glamorous gams in a boating accident, but is able to move into a ritzy gated circus community by pretending to be a midget.

2012-02-02T18:44:00.001-08:00

American Psycho

2012-02-02T12:59:00.000-08:00

Groundhog Day.

2012-02-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhog Day

2012-02-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

via Sofa Pizza

Publishing news

2012-02-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

B&N has announced it won't stock books published by Amazon. However in a magnanimous gesture it will continue to offer prime shelf real estate to books published by its own imprint, Sterling Publishing.

Super Mario Bros

2012-02-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

Super Mario Bros. posters by Olly Moss, via Superpunch.

FUNNY PRANKS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES CAN PLAY ON THE VICE PRESIDENT

2012-02-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

• Handcuff a suitcase to the vice president’s arm and command him not to open it unless there’s a nuclear war. Fake a nuclear war. When he opens the suitcase, have it be full of naked photos of his wife.

• Tell him that his job is very important. He fills a crucial role in the administration, and you value his contributions. Then ask him to empty your wastebasket.

• Have a Senior Advisor tell him that a new poll shows that Americans love it when he wears a bowtie.

• Ask him to stand in the corner of the oval office.

• Tell him that the White House needs to take a stronger stance on terrorism, and therefore you’d like him to drop the f-bomb sometime in his next speech.

• When foreign dignitaries visit, tell them the vice president speaks their language, then seat them together at lunch.

• Fake your own assassination. As the vice president is being sworn in as the president, have the first lady walk up and smack him in the face. ALTERNATE: Have the first lady walk up and kiss him on the lips, for a really long time.

• Ask him if he’s ever masturbated in the White House. Before he can answer, say, “Hold on a second,” and ask the director of the CIA to step in. Then say, “Okay, now answer.”

• Casually pass a joint around the table at a Cabinet meeting. If the vice president demurs, have the Attorney General assure him it’s cool.

• Walk into his office shuffling a stack of papers and looking confused. Say, “I don’t know what we should do about the economy. What do you think?” Ask him to write a 100 page report on the economic climate and give it to you tomorrow. When he hands it to you the next day, say, “Oh, the economy—yeah we fixed that already.” Then call him by the Secretary of Agriculture’s name.

• Wrap everything in his office in tinfoil. IMPORTANT: Have the CIA dose the vice president with LSD ahead of time.

• Displace a tribe of Native Americans from their land to erect a national monument, and name it after the vice president.

2012-01-31T21:34:00.000-08:00

Photo by Simen Johan, via But Does it Float. Do yourself a favor and embiggen it.

2012-01-31T11:42:00.000-08:00

Mr. Pig, working at the office. Drawn by Doogie

2012-01-30T20:56:00.000-08:00

My set list. It killed.

Presents

2012-01-30T20:35:00.000-08:00

I have problems if I buy a present for a friend, and it's a present I would like myself—let's say, hypothetically, an Admiral Ackbar action figure. It stares at me through the lucite window, whispering: I could be yours. Open the box.

I can't keep that present in the house for long. I call my friend daily.

"Hey! Let's meet up and celebrate your birthday."

"I have a cool present for you. Let's get together."

"Please pick up your phone. We need to meet. Got a great present for you!"

I finally see my friend a week later. "Happy birthday! I got you a pack of cigarettes!"

2012-01-30T12:59:00.000-08:00

What I'm reading.

2012-01-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

Buster Keaton, catching up on some reading. Via Golden Age Comic Book Stories

2012-01-30T09:36:00.000-08:00

You, Me, Them, Everybody

2012-01-30T08:05:00.001-08:00

I was recently interviewed on Brandon Wetherbee's podcast talkshow alongside Carolyn Busa and Robbie Bennett. Mr. Wetherbee is the rare interviewer who can be described as "charmingly confrontational." I highly recommend being interviewed by him, if you haven't already. If you'd like to hear his thoughts on the City of Brotherly Love, and my short story about spontaneous brunch porn, you can listen to the podcast here.

2012-01-25T16:55:00.002-08:00

Hopeful bear.

2012-01-25T16:55:00.001-08:00

2012-01-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

Comic by Tom Gauld

2012-01-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

Old blue eyes, drawn by Doogie

2012-01-24T12:02:00.000-08:00

I like to imagine this guy thinking, "what else could go wrong?" a split second before he hears the train whistle blow.

2012-01-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

David Shrigley, Easter Bunny, 2002. via Leg of Lamb

2012-01-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

via Epic4Chan

2012-01-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

The first sentence of Ulysses, by James Joyce.

Patton Oswalt, Beleaguered from Two Sides

2012-01-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

Recently on his blog, Patton Oswalt recounted an argument he had with a rude audience member who was filming his set. However someone else at the show that night thought Patton was the one being rude, not the audience member, and wrote a post about it to back up their assertion.

This is a Rashomon moment. Who is right? The respected, intelligent comedian whose work I've admired for years, or a random stranger with a skewed view of the situation?

(This post brought to you by Toshiro Mifune.)

the Spoon-O-Phonic 5000

2012-01-22T11:34:00.001-08:00

Let’s face it: your grandaddy’s spoon just can’t cut it in today’s modern world of wifi soups and four-dimensional yogurt cups.

Stuff the Ice Chest

2012-01-20T10:53:00.001-08:00

2012-01-20T07:33:00.001-08:00

"Good is the enemy of Great."

—Someone

2012-01-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

Obama in Disneyworld, via National Journal [photo: Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP]

2012-01-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

written by Personal Message

2012-01-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."

—HAL 9000

2012-01-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

Andy Warhol photographed by Weegee c. 1965, via thisisn'thappiness

2012-01-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

Edward Hopper, Self Portrait, 1925-1930

2012-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

Bill Watterson, self portrait

2012-01-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to post some artist portraits. Here's Brancusi in his studio, making sculptures with an axe, like men do. Photo via Daily Icon.

2012-01-18T14:40:00.001-08:00

Stop SOPA

2012-01-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

A lot of sites are going dark today to protest SOPA, a bill that would infringe free expression on the internet. The law wouldn't benefit anyone except large entertainment companies who are trying to muscle it through congress. KGB Yardsale is not going dark because I'm not tech saavy enough to know how to make that happen. BUT IF I KNEW HOW TO DO IT I WOULD!

Popular blog Superpunch is putting an interesting spin on the blackout idea by remaining online, but linking to stories from major old media sites instead of posting its usual eclectic mix of art, videos, and news. If SOPA passed, this is the kind of boring crap blogs would have to do to avoid risking copyright infringement and being shut down.

2012-01-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

Here's a good interview over at Mirth Magazine, talking to Marc Maron about how WTF started, and how it's evolved.

2012-01-17T10:27:00.001-08:00

via TopherChris

2012-01-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

Mr. Warmth, via Julia Segal

2012-01-16T19:50:00.000-08:00

My favorite part of the announcer's play-by-play is when he says, "John Hood is there with Evel Knievel, discussing . . . whatever you discuss at this moment."

2012-01-14T16:00:00.001-08:00

2012-01-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

via Guinea Pigs with Hats

2012-01-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

Some friends of mine, drawn by Doogie Horner

2012-01-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

drawn by Doogie Horner

2012-01-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

"People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it."

—Ray Bradbury, Beyond 1984: the People Machines

2012-01-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

via Epic 4Chan

Political Essay

2012-01-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

Why the Two-Party System Doesn't Work, According to the Guy Who Was Also Trying to Throw a Party Last Night

by Doogie Horner, via the AV Club

Hot News from the street art scene

2012-01-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

UK newspaper the Mail on Sunday has discovered Banksy's identity: He's a person!

That's right, BANKSY IS PEOPLE!

To Serve Man . . . it's a tennis book! [joke © John Kensil]

2012-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Eli Cash and Richie Tenenbaum, via I'm Stupid; I'm Smarting.

2012-01-10T13:19:00.000-08:00

"Life isn't a support system for art. It's the other way around."

--Stephen King, from On Writing

On Writing is the best book I've ever read about writing—but please don't interpret my poor writing skills as a strike against it. If I hadn't read On Writing I'd be even worse.

My favorite thing about the book is King's demystification of the artistic process, manifested in practical advice such as "2nd draft = 1st draft minus 20%." He makes writing seem fun, which is the way it should be. And he uses curse words every now and then, which I like.

A New Colbert Emerges

2012-01-10T08:33:00.001-08:00

Great article up at the New York Times about Stephen Colbert's continuing transformation into a legitimate politician—or at least a comedian who's educating the public about legitimate political problems. From the article by Charles McGrath:

In August, during the run-up to the Ames straw poll, some Iowans were baffled to turn on their TVs and see a commercial that featured shots of ruddy-cheeked farm families, an astronaut on the moon and an ear of hot buttered corn. It urged viewers to cast write-in votes for Rick Perry by spelling his name with an “a” — “for America.” A voice-over at the end announced that the commercial had been paid for by an organization called Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, which is the name of Colbert’s super PAC . . .

Just as baffling as the Iowa corn ads — at least to the uninitiated — were some commercials Colbert produced taking the side of the owners during the recent N.B.A. lockout. These were also sponsored by Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, but they were “made possible,” according to the voice-over, by Colbert Super PAC SHH Institute. Super PAC SHH (as in “hush”) is Colbert’s 501(c)(4). He has one of those too — an organization that can accept unlimited amounts of money from corporations without disclosing their names and can then give that money to a regular PAC, which would otherwise be required to report corporate donations. “What’s the difference between that and money laundering?” Colbert said to me delightedly.

Read the rest here. Photo by Todd Heisler/the New York Times.

2012-01-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

Kurt Vonnegut, the Beastie Boys, and Tom Waits, shot by Danny Clinch.

2012-01-09T14:41:00.000-08:00

drawn by Doogie

Gotta catch 'em all

2012-01-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

Olly Moss is going to draw all of the 151 first generation Pokemon, then sell them as prints whose run coincides with how rare that Pokemon is. Awesome idea! via Superpunch.

2012-01-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

Photo by Ben Anderson, via LPV Magazine.

2012-01-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

This was an actual MSN headline. I would love to know whether or not MSN realizes how sad it is.

2012-01-06T09:26:00.001-08:00

via Doogie

2012-01-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

Last night I was at an open mic with a friend, and the comic on stage started making fun of hipsters. He said, "Look at all the hipsters in the crowd!" I leaned into my friend with the intention of whispering, "This guy is dumb, there aren't any hipsters in the crowd," but I leaned in too close and our giant, plastic-framed glasses bumped into each other with a loud clatter.

David Cross

2012-01-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

The AV Club has a great interview up with David Cross where he discusses The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, Chipwrecked, and Mr. Show. Photo by Portroids.

2012-01-05T14:35:00.000-08:00

Famous album covers with the dead band members erased, by LIVE!, via this isn't happiness

Bill Clinton Fan Fiction

2012-01-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

That's right, this exists: Presidential fan fiction where Bill Clinton solves murders, written by Harry Disco [a pseudonym? perhaps]. My favorite title is The Dead Meddlesome Mother, although The Dead Bookmaker on the Golf Course is good too. I like to imagine that title originally started as just the Bookmaker, before "Harry" had this discussion with his editor.

Editor: Mr. President--
Harry: Please don't use my real name. This line might not be secure.
Editor: Oh sorry, I mean, Harry, your new book looks great! However, let's discuss the title.
Harry: Okay, but make it quick, Hillary is calling me for dinner.
Editor: The titular Bookmaker, is he dead?
Harry: Yes.
Editor: Good. Mystery: People like that stuff. Where did he die?
Harry: On the golf course.
Editor: Well, throw that in the title too. It'll draw in golf fans.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes

2012-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

The Ministry of Secret Jokes is next Wednesday, January 11th, at 8pm, and Santa Claus is going to be there. I know, I know, I should have booked him for December instead of January, but his fee is much lower if you book him out of season.

2012-01-04T21:28:00.001-08:00

One night while telling jokes, the mic cut out on me. Most comedians would panic, abort the mission, or pressure their girlfriend into aborting the mission. Instead I attempted what no comedian has ever done before: switching microphones mid-performance.

2012-01-04T11:00:00.001-08:00

Jean-Michel Basquiat, Reclining Nude, 1983. via Cave to Canvas

2012-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

via Lost Tracks

2012-01-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

Constantin Brancusi, Bird in Space

2012-01-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

via Heroin Killed the Rockstar

2012-01-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

I admire people who don't let being bad at something stop them from doing it. I love Bob Dylan's albums The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Bringing it All Back Home, and Blonde on Blonde, because, obviously, they're flawless. But I admire Knocked Out Loaded, which is a shitty album in the middle of a bunch of crappy albums [Shot of Love, Empire Burlesque]. Despite the negative reviews, Dylan kept making music, and eventually he came back better than ever with Time Out of Mind, Love and Theft, and Modern Times. Although who knows, maybe he thinks Knocked Out Loaded is great.

2012-01-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

"If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers."

--Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon

Faith in Sports and Politics

2012-01-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

Chuck Klosterman wrote a great article over at Grantland about how Tim Tebow polarizes spectators. Whether you like him or not seems to hinge on a question of faith, which Klosterman links to American politics in this passage:

Throughout the 20th century, there were only two presidents who won reelection with a bad economy and high unemployment: FDR in 1936 and Reagan in 1984. In both cases, the incumbent presidents were able to argue that their preexisting plans for jump-starting the economy were better than the hypothetical plans of their opponents (Alf Landon and Walter Mondale, respectively). Both incumbents made a better case for what they intended to do, and both enjoyed decisive victories. In 2012, Barack Obama will face a similar situation. But what will happen if his ultimate opponent provides no plan for him to refute? What if his opponent merely says, "Have faith in me. Have faith that I will figure everything out and that I can fix the economy, because I have faith in the American people. Together, we have faith in each other."

How do you refute the non-argument of meaningful faith?

You (usually) don't. You (usually) lose.

Read the rest of the article here.

2012-01-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power."

--P.J. O'Rourke

a Family Tree of Literary Detectives

2012-01-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

I wrote and designed this chart (with the help of Walter Green) for the Believer back in June 2011. It charts the chronology, authorship, and influence of fictional literary detectives. I also organized the detectives into stylistic groups: hard-boiled, gentleman, kid, sci-fi, etc.

2012-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Oops, it turns out it was only Zach G. half day, because here's Steve Martin. Photo by David Andrako.

2012-01-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently it's Zach Galifianakis day here at the yardsale.

2012-01-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-31T11:25:00.001-08:00

1. Write list of resolutions.

2. Keep list short.

Holiday Jokes

2011-12-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

Is it too late for holiday jokes? Well, here are some anyhow.

2011-12-30T12:42:00.001-08:00

I know it's been said before, but I'll say it again: this song transcends its simple lyrics and melody to achieve a surprising poignancy. I mean, Bob's just saying things that have been said a million times: "Love is all there is, it makes the world go round." Is there a more cliched sentiment? I guess, "All you need is love," might qualify. Anyhow, when those simple lyrics are sung in the context of this simple song, they sound complex, as though they've never been sung before. "One thing's for certain, you will surely be a-hurtin, if you throw it all away."

2011-12-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

Via Hey Oscar Wilde! Illustrated by Chris Ware, scanned from The Acme Novelty Joke Book, Fantagraphics, 1996.

2011-12-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

The King: Las Vegas, 1970. Via Magnificent Ruin

Nick Cave

2011-12-29T15:00:00.000-08:00

Soundsuits by Nick Cave, watch them in action here.

2011-12-29T13:25:00.000-08:00

Sexy Banana, from Everything Explained Through Flowcharts

2011-12-29T11:04:00.000-08:00

Conservation status: Least Concern, via Wikipedia

the Green Knight

2011-12-28T23:21:00.001-08:00

The holidays have laid me low.

I can't blog.

I just read part of Sir Gaiwan and the Green Knight.

I read the part where the Green Knight shows up

and Gaiwan chops his head off.

Then the Knight picks his head up

and says, A year from now

I'll return the blow.

Then he rides off. Super badass, the green knight.

I have to admit,

that's the only part of the story I've ever read.

But I've read it ten times.

2011-12-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

"The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing."

--Isaac Asimov, via